Here we go, my report of the Uk Web and Mini comix thing 2005!. It was held in some building off Mile End Road, in London, on the 19th of march 2005

7:00- Woke up

8:15- Told mum "Oh yeah i'm going somewhere that will make you shit yourself cause its 'off the internet' and you think i'm still 8 years old"

8:22- Mum gives me a lift to the station cause her waffling means i probably missed the bus, continues to waffle on the way about "Watch out in Mile End, theres lots of peeeople there"

8:38- Bought Train ticket at Ely Station

9:30- Train arrives

9:31- "There will be a half hour delay because there is the wrong type of rails on the rails"

10:00- The Thing opens, i am still in Ely

10:03- The train moves...20-odd metres to the end of the platform to make way for the one behind thatís going in the same direction

10:20- I think "Three more minutes and i'm fucking off home, why did i pay the fare, it would be cheaper to get the 10 quid fine anyway"

10:22- Train starts going

11:00-ish, Cambridge. "This train is non stop to King's *klik* This train is for King's cross, Calling at every fucking little victorian station in the middle of nowhere"

11:20-odd- "Yeah, the train is a bit crowded, there's one carriage, and we're all on it", goes an overheard phone conversation

11:50- Actually arrive in london, 20p to use the bloody toilets?, welcome to ripoff britian (the bloke who sits there and takes 5 and 10p's if you donít have a 20 has the official worst job in the world) ..i'm just glad i did use the free cash machine at Tescos (incedentally, why do scum always go on about how banks will be 'pushed out' by charging cash machines on the high street and be forced to charge themselves, if you have one bank that does charge and one that doesnt on the other side of the road, which one are you gonna use?)

12:05- Reach the underground tickets machine, coins only..qeue up again

12:20- Hey, that little girl looks strangely familiar. "She's in grange hill, and The Bill sometimes", "Oh great, now yanks are gonna read my con report and expect to come to london and bump into hugh grant buying his underground tickets just cause i bumped into a girl off the telly"

12:21- FUCK!, there's ticket machines down here too, even though the entrance says "Ticket Holders Only", plus theres no qeues, ah well, thatís one lesson for next years!..or any time I travel to London

12:33-odd- Change underground trains in a fairly deserted, cramped station, avoid thinking about the movies "Creep" and "Death Line", why did i decide to have that mini 'london underground horror marathon'

12:40- Actually arrive at the thing, wonder if its possible to find this place in The Getaway 2, and burnout on the lawn in a TVR. Wander about and ONLY THEN remember that the girl who makes "High Maintenance" is not actually coming. There goes the only comic i actually read XD. Find the table of a comic i have heard of (but not read) named Vented Spleen, and chat to the girl there, buy some of thier stuff, as well as some "Bollox" stuff, reminsce with the writer about visiting his site, clicking back 3 times and then going "How many of these are there?, sod it, i'll bookmark it", then forgetting to visit it ever again. Go past the Reckless Youth table, they give me a free comic and tell me to read their stuff or go away and never look back, so I do. Then go back for free sweets XD. Read a few strips in the reading area, including some wacky anime one that i would have found funny 3 years ago, but now find tiresome (no zombies or classic cars). Wander up the road hoping to find a newsagents to buy something cheap just for a carrier bag to cram stuff in (Should i set up a Crystal Knights table for next year's, i'll bring a load of old tesco bags to hand out XD). The only shop i find open is a Morris Minor parts centre, theres a time and a place for classic cars and this isnt it. Go back to the hall and comic that had the big red sign behind the table. Hey, its got ultra-violence, Ford Capris (okay, SOME classic cars) sold out. brilliant. Sit at the reading area for ages reading that big 'urban legends' comic, bloke asks me what i am selling, i tell him its the 'reading room' XD

2:50-something- Time to leave, people are quite literally slinging free sweets at me as i leave XD. wander to Mile End tube station, get the miraculosly non-diverting or cancelling train to kings cross, The one there is non stop to Cambridge, then Waterbeach and Ely, and i've got time to buy a 'milkshake' (read-ice cream in a cup). The very pretty Natalia serves me, do they always employ sexy russians on the AMT coffee stands, and do they get sexier as you go along the route? London gets TATU, Ely gets Vladimir Putin, King Lynn must have Stalin...

4:00-something- Ely station again, come home, collapse

4:10-"Shit, forgot to check out the Weebl and Bob table for my brother"