The chosen ones theme music plays,then the view changes to the living room of their house


the people-celes,locke,edgar and vincent are all sitting round the telly


Edgar: boring,boring-honestley,i dont know why we watch this...


An atom bomb falls through the ceiling and lands in front of the fridge


Vincent: yeah,theres nothing on...


Edgar: what?-this one is closing down already!-its only 9 o clock!


Celes: thats vtv2


Edgar: well! they cant tell me when to go to bed-rufus's fachists cant touch me here


a shinra gaurd appears on the screen


Gaurd: Go to bed spotty


Edgar is in shock


Edgar: what?-hmm,vincent make the dinner!


Vincent: what? why is it always me?


Celes: we arranged that you should do it


Vincent: yeah,but you dont do anything


Celes: look,my responsiblites are feed the goldfish and water the plants


Vincent: And what did we have for dinner on the first day?


Celes: sausages


Vincent: and...


Celes: sausages and plants and goldfish-look,ive discharged my responsibilites,now you discharge yours


Edgar: That sounds like the cue for a dirty joke!


Locke: shut up edgar-ive gotta go see harry the bastard soon


Celes: who's that-a gangster?


Locke: no-he works at blockbuster


Celes: same thing


Edgar: well,im off


goes upstairs


Celes: whats he doing?


Locke: guess


Vincent: err,who wants ketchup on thier cornflakes?


Locke: ketchup?


Vincent: yeah,i cant get to the milk


Celes: why?are you a total spazmo


Vincent: No,theres an atom bomb in front of the fridge


Celes: well,better do something


also goes upstairs


View of bathroom door-edgar walks out


Edgar: that sounded like celes...


Goes over to his bedroom door


Edgar: celes,i know your in my room preparing some amazingly mature joke,so anything that happens to me in the next few minutes is not funny!


Jumps into his room,suprised to find celes isnt in there,but doesnt notice her walk past the door


Edgar: hah!-scared are we


Realises he is alone-then pulls out a dirty magazine and jumps on the bed,causing a big circular saw to come out of the wall-that he only just dodges


Vincent(now outside): What was that?


Celes and locke are setting up a video machine


Locke: right,that was quick-now (reads manual) 'insert video and press play-happy viewing'


Celes: they wouldnt say that if we knew what video weve got!


Locke puts it in,the screen displays static


Celes: well,i dont call this a new era in televisual entertainment!


Upstairs,edgar is nailing up celes's bedroom


Edgar: that'll teach you matey!


Back downstairs


Celes: Whats that banging sound?


Locke: edgar doing some reading


edgar comes down,doesnt see celes


Edgar: hey,locke-i just nailed celes in her bedroom!


Celes stands up


Celes: ahh,its broken


Edgar: Celes!-why arent you in your room?


Celes: were not going to bed tonight


Edgar: honestly,i go to all the trouble of nailing up your room and your not even in there!-i demand you go upstairs and nail yourself in! and the-what do you mean your not going to bed tonight?


Celes: Locke and i are going to engage in an all-night orgy of sex and violence


Edgar: what?in the living room?


Locke(reading box): Yeah,first were having 'sex with the headless corpse of the virgin astronaut'


Edgar: well,wont the floor get all messy?


Celes: its a video nasty!


Edgar: oo,have we got a video?




Edgar: Well,anyway,lets watch some porn already


Celes: It doesnt seem to be working


Edgar(picking up manual): Thats because your following the instructions for a toaster!


Vincent comes in


Vincent: Guys,i just like saw this amazing thing...


Phone rings


Celes: awnswer the phone


Vincent picks it up


Vincent: I'll just check-hey do we know anyone called celes cherie?


Celes: no


Vincent: no,we dont


hangs up


Edgar: now,lets watch some videos!


Vincent: have we got a video?




Vincent: well,have we?


Celes rips out a window frame from the wall,and drops it on vincent


Vincent: oh wow-can i have a go on it-please???


Celes: Ok,but remember-that machine now works perfectly-and if you press the button and it dosnt work,its your fault!


Vincent: Well,its not plugged in...

plugs it in,and gets shocked,but the video starts playing


Text on tv screen: This a afishal vidio,not a pirat wun nomatter what ne one sayz


Vincent goes flying back,causing the picture to go out


Celes: SOD THIS!


chucks the machine out of the window


Edgar: lets watch telly


they start watching something that looks like 'eastenders'-except its called 'racist bastards get ino fights and tell the population to attack all those who are different from the charcters in this show in any way'


Edgar: What a load of crap-i dont know why we pay for the tv lincence!


Celes: we dont


Edgar: But...then...that makes me a criminal-this will show them at the returners-stealing magitek armours-hah!,im a desparado,the real thing,an outlaw...




Knock on the door


Vincent: Ill get it


Vincent opens the door


Man: hello sir,have you got a telly


Locke: OH SHIT!-the tv license man!


Edgar: What are we gonna do?????


Locke: You-shut up,celes-eat the telly


Celes: Ive always wanted to do this


Starts to eat the telly


Locke goes over next to vincent


Locke: You havent introduced me to your new pal


Man: Bastards the name,but you can call me right bleeding-all my friends do,well did...


Locke: What do you mean?


Bastard: I killed him,wheres your lincence?


Looks at the now fat celes,with the tv wire coming out of her mouth


Bastard: Yoooou little runt!-the old trick ay?-eat the telly before i get a chance to nick yer!


Celes: Its a toaster


Bastard: My mistake




Locke: Celes,the tv


Celes has spat out the tv and put it back together


Edgar: turn it on


The screen shows a dot-and it goes bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....-vincent starts dancing


Vincent: Yeah!!!-better than mainstream pop music anyday!


Locke: Well,we better go to bed...


Vincent: Aww,i was just getting into that!


Edgar: oh,all right!


Celes: no,im gonna watch the dot


Vincent: Wish we had a video,then i could tape it


Edgar: We did,celes through it out the window and killed my cat


Celes: That was a good joke!


They all go upstairs,except for celes


TV: and dont forget to unplug your set


Celes: Why


TV: Cause it'll explode you stupid girl


Celes: COOL!...aww,its not gonna explode-think i'll play 'murder in the dark'


Picks up an axe and turns the light off-then trips over and sets the atom bomb off