THE CHOSEN ONES PILOT EPISODE/TRAILER

 

The chosen ones theme music plays,then the view changes to the living room of their house

 

the people-celes,locke,edgar and vincent are all sitting round the telly

 

Edgar: boring,boring-honestley,i dont know why we watch this...

 

An atom bomb falls through the ceiling and lands in front of the fridge

 

Vincent: yeah,theres nothing on...

 

Edgar: what?-this one is closing down already!-its only 9 o clock!

 

Celes: thats vtv2

 

Edgar: well! they cant tell me when to go to bed-rufus's fachists cant touch me here

 

a shinra gaurd appears on the screen

 

Gaurd: Go to bed spotty

 

Edgar is in shock

 

Edgar: what?-hmm,vincent make the dinner!

 

Vincent: what? why is it always me?

 

Celes: we arranged that you should do it

 

Vincent: yeah,but you dont do anything

 

Celes: look,my responsiblites are feed the goldfish and water the plants

 

Vincent: And what did we have for dinner on the first day?

 

Celes: sausages

 

Vincent: and...

 

Celes: sausages and plants and goldfish-look,ive discharged my responsibilites,now you discharge yours

 

Edgar: That sounds like the cue for a dirty joke!

 

Locke: shut up edgar-ive gotta go see harry the bastard soon

 

Celes: who's that-a gangster?

 

Locke: no-he works at blockbuster

 

Celes: same thing

 

Edgar: well,im off

 

goes upstairs

 

Celes: whats he doing?

 

Locke: guess

 

Vincent: err,who wants ketchup on thier cornflakes?

 

Locke: ketchup?

 

Vincent: yeah,i cant get to the milk

 

Celes: why?are you a total spazmo

 

Vincent: No,theres an atom bomb in front of the fridge

 

Celes: well,better do something

 

also goes upstairs

 

View of bathroom door-edgar walks out

 

Edgar: that sounded like celes...

 

Goes over to his bedroom door

 

Edgar: celes,i know your in my room preparing some amazingly mature joke,so anything that happens to me in the next few minutes is not funny!

 

Jumps into his room,suprised to find celes isnt in there,but doesnt notice her walk past the door

 

Edgar: hah!-scared are we

 

Realises he is alone-then pulls out a dirty magazine and jumps on the bed,causing a big circular saw to come out of the wall-that he only just dodges

 

Vincent(now outside): What was that?

 

Celes and locke are setting up a video machine

 

Locke: right,that was quick-now (reads manual) 'insert video and press play-happy viewing'

 

Celes: they wouldnt say that if we knew what video weve got!

 

Locke puts it in,the screen displays static

 

Celes: well,i dont call this a new era in televisual entertainment!

 

Upstairs,edgar is nailing up celes's bedroom

 

Edgar: that'll teach you matey!

 

Back downstairs

 

Celes: Whats that banging sound?

 

Locke: edgar doing some reading

 

edgar comes down,doesnt see celes

 

Edgar: hey,locke-i just nailed celes in her bedroom!

 

Celes stands up

 

Celes: ahh,its broken

 

Edgar: Celes!-why arent you in your room?

 

Celes: were not going to bed tonight

 

Edgar: honestly,i go to all the trouble of nailing up your room and your not even in there!-i demand you go upstairs and nail yourself in! and the-what do you mean your not going to bed tonight?

 

Celes: Locke and i are going to engage in an all-night orgy of sex and violence

 

Edgar: what?in the living room?

 

Locke(reading box): Yeah,first were having 'sex with the headless corpse of the virgin astronaut'

 

Edgar: well,wont the floor get all messy?

 

Celes: its a video nasty!

 

Edgar: oo,have we got a video?

 

Celes: YES WE HAVE GOT A BLOODY VIDEO!!!!!!

 

Edgar: Well,anyway,lets watch some porn already

 

Celes: It doesnt seem to be working

 

Edgar(picking up manual): Thats because your following the instructions for a toaster!

 

Vincent comes in

 

Vincent: Guys,i just like saw this amazing thing...

 

Phone rings

 

Celes: awnswer the phone

 

Vincent picks it up

 

Vincent: I'll just check-hey do we know anyone called celes cherie?

 

Celes: no

 

Vincent: no,we dont

 

hangs up

 

Edgar: now,lets watch some videos!

 

Vincent: have we got a video?

 

celes: IF ANYONE ASKS THAT AGAIN I'M GONNA SMASH THIER HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW!

 

Vincent: well,have we?

 

Celes rips out a window frame from the wall,and drops it on vincent

 

Vincent: oh wow-can i have a go on it-please???

 

Celes: Ok,but remember-that machine now works perfectly-and if you press the button and it dosnt work,its your fault!

 

Vincent: Well,its not plugged in...

plugs it in,and gets shocked,but the video starts playing

 

Text on tv screen: This a afishal vidio,not a pirat wun nomatter what ne one sayz

 

Vincent goes flying back,causing the picture to go out

 

Celes: SOD THIS!

 

chucks the machine out of the window

 

Edgar: lets watch telly

 

they start watching something that looks like 'eastenders'-except its called 'racist bastards get ino fights and tell the population to attack all those who are different from the charcters in this show in any way'

 

Edgar: What a load of crap-i dont know why we pay for the tv lincence!

 

Celes: we dont

 

Edgar: But...then...that makes me a criminal-this will show them at the returners-stealing magitek armours-hah!,im a desparado,the real thing,an outlaw...

 

Celes: SHADDUP OR I'LL KILL YOU!

 

Knock on the door

 

Vincent: Ill get it

 

Vincent opens the door

 

Man: hello sir,have you got a telly

 

Locke: OH SHIT!-the tv license man!

 

Edgar: What are we gonna do?????

 

Locke: You-shut up,celes-eat the telly

 

Celes: Ive always wanted to do this

 

Starts to eat the telly

 

Locke goes over next to vincent

 

Locke: You havent introduced me to your new pal

 

Man: Bastards the name,but you can call me right bleeding-all my friends do,well did...

 

Locke: What do you mean?

 

Bastard: I killed him,wheres your lincence?

 

Looks at the now fat celes,with the tv wire coming out of her mouth

 

Bastard: Yoooou little runt!-the old trick ay?-eat the telly before i get a chance to nick yer!

 

Celes: Its a toaster

 

Bastard: My mistake

 

leaves

 

Locke: Celes,the tv

 

Celes has spat out the tv and put it back together

 

Edgar: turn it on

 

The screen shows a dot-and it goes bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....-vincent starts dancing

 

Vincent: Yeah!!!-better than mainstream pop music anyday!

 

Locke: Well,we better go to bed...

 

Vincent: Aww,i was just getting into that!

 

Edgar: oh,all right!

 

Celes: no,im gonna watch the dot

 

Vincent: Wish we had a video,then i could tape it

 

Edgar: We did,celes through it out the window and killed my cat

 

Celes: That was a good joke!

 

They all go upstairs,except for celes

 

TV: and dont forget to unplug your set

 

Celes: Why

 

TV: Cause it'll explode you stupid girl

 

Celes: COOL!...aww,its not gonna explode-think i'll play 'murder in the dark'

 

Picks up an axe and turns the light off-then trips over and sets the atom bomb off

 

...END CREDITS...