MICHIGAN JOURNALISTS REVIEW THE POPULARITY OF “FELNEY”

 

                “I think it’s disgusting.  I’d never let my children read that filthy trash.”

                                                                                                                                Gladys Flump,

                                                                                                                                The Flint Journal

 

“It’s refreshingly cheeky, with a deliciously twisted sense of British moral outrage…a worthy successor to the likes of Andy Capp.”

                                                                                                                Humbert Pocklington,

                                                                                                                The Flushing Flame

 

                “I don’t get it.”

                                                                                                                                Cal Thomas,

                                                                                                                                The Colon Conservative

 

“It’s okay if Cal doesn’t get it.  What do you want from a man who voted for Bush?”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “Molly Ivins is an idiot.”

                                                                                                                                Cal Thomas,

                                                                                                                                The Colon Conservative

 

“Crap!  One hundred and ten percent crap!  The drawings depicting perverted sexual acts are those normally associated with either locker-room humor or public restroom graffiti.  I say ban this filth from our society!  I say let’s start looking for weapons of mass destruction in England!”

                                                                                                                George Leroy Tirebiter,

                                                                                                                The Grand Rapids Gazette

 

“I, for one, consider Felney to be a thinking-man’s satire on the status quo in Britain.  The multi-layered themes, if one reads between the lines, depict a moving panorama of repressed emotions, caste-suppression, and “quiet desperation” in typical English life.”

                                                                                                                                Horace Hormonger,

                                                                                                                                The Traverse City Tattler

 

                “Horace has never been outside Traverse City.  He wouldn’t know an Englishman from a giraffe.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “That bitch.”

                                                                                                                                Horace Hormonger,

                                                                                                                                The Traverse City Tattler

 

“From a purely socio-political perspective, Felney is clearly a left-wing liberal entity bent on destabilization of conservative western values, morals, and civilization.  Its anti-reactionary and inflammatory pitch to the more liberal elements in American society should be countered with reasonable arguments and alternative approaches.  That is why I advocate burning the author at the stake.”

                                                                                                                                Alexander Git-Belch,

                                                                                                                                The Tawas Trumpet

 

 

 

“In order to appreciate the subtleties of the underground comic strip Felney, one must delve into the psyche and character of the Englishman.  In my estimation, this author has the mind of a mentally underdeveloped frog, and should probably be committed to an institution.”

                                                                                                                                Dr. Simon Shitehead,

                                                                                                                                The Manistee Herald

 

“Dr. Simon Shitehead’s review of Felney proves once again why he should retire to a duck farm, having exhibited evidence he’s a quack.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

“The filth and pornography depicted on the Felney website can only be described as the work of the Devil.  As an ordained Minister in the Worldwide Church of God (and Baptismal Carwash), I can only pray that the young man finds solace in God, and a pure and redemptive life amongst Our Lord’s Children.  You are LOST, young man, LOST!”

                                                                                                                Reverend Billy-Bob Hotgass,

                                                                                                                The Tittabawassee Times

 

                “The only things lost around here are Billy-Bob’s marbles.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

Felney graphically depicts one of the most deviate and depraved elements of the increasingly decadent English society.  I believe it’s time we, as the world’s only remaining superpower, cast off the parasitic has-been colonialists like England and France.  Countries that don’t drop to their knees and worship us because of something we did for them 60 years ago ought to be trampled underfoot like the third world low-rent districts they are.  If these people can’t appreciate that fact that they owe their collectively pathetic existence to us, then they ought to just go back where they came from.  They need to get it through their incredibly dense, backward, arrogant, and thoroughly unappreciative blockheads how great we are!”

                                                                                                                                Boris von Piggfukker

                                                                                                                                The Benton Harbor Bugle

 

                “It’s not unusual to misinterpret Boris von Piggfukker.  He has trouble with multi-syllable words.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “Anything Molly Ivins says merely goes in one ear and out the other.”

Boris von Piggfukker

                                                                                                                                The Benton Harbor Bugle

 

                “That’s because, in Boris’ case, there’s nothing in between his ears to slow it down.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “That bitch.”

                                                                                                                                Boris von Piggfukker

The Benton Harbor Bugle

 

“It is clear that the author of Felney is a subversive element among those who value freedom.  It is clear that he is a sick, twisted, childish individual.  It is clear that Prime Minister Blair should shut him down, shut him off, and shut him away.  It is clear.”

Cal Thomas,

                                                                                                                                The Colon Conservative

 

 

 

                “It is clear that Cal Thomas hasn’t had a blow job since 1963.”

                                                                                                                                Mike Royko

                                                                                                                                The Calumet Cavalier

 

 

“The message conveyed to the free world by the latest panels of Felney (War and Peace in Iraq) is that our armed forces of liberation have become engaged in a quagmire of futility.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Felney is merely spit in the ocean of liberty.  The author would be well advised: never pass on a good opportunity to shut up.”

                                                                                                                Vitas Peritonitis

                                                                                                                The Greektown News

 

                “The same could be said of Vitas Peritonitis.”

                                                                                                                                Art Buchwald

                                                                                                                                The Tawas Times

 

“Such drivel, as expectorated by the leftist lampoonists such as Doonesbury and Felney only serve to undermine the morale of our men and women in uniform, who selflessly place their lives on the line in defense of the right to create such works of subversion.”

                                                                                                                Boris von Piggfukker

The Benton Harbor Bugle

 

“As Boris stands tall at 1.52 meters, this topic, along with most others, goes right over his head.”

Art Buchwald

                                                                                                                                The Tawas Times

 

“The author of Felney claims the right of free speech.  He claims the right to whine about the local bigotry.  We, in America, cannot deny him this.  However, should he ever find himself in Michigan, we claim the right to hang him.”

                                                                                                                                Chlamydia Clappe

                                                                                                                                The Ludington Lamplighter

 

“This young man, this author of Felney…he is but a child, with a child’s jaundiced view that right and wrong are always as distinct as black and white.  It should be remembered, however, that his view represents an insignificant minority, which will hopefully embarrass him greatly in another twenty years…if he lives that long.”

                                                                                                                                Maynard Buttpacker

                                                                                                                                The Ortonville Observer

 

“I urge all freedom-loving Americans to contact their State and Federal representatives.  This potty-mouthed Brit should be banned from all internet activity.  Our children should be protected from such perverted filth as Felney.”

                                                                                                                                Emma Rhoide

                                                                                                                                The Machinac Mercury

 

“Once again, Emma demonstrates that she possesses and open mind.  She also possesses a hole in her head to prove it.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “That bitch.”

                                                                                                                                Emma Rhoide

                                                                                                                                The Machinac Mercury

 

 

 

“This young man does not know the Word.  He does not know the Truth.  He does not know the Scriptures.  He does not know the Values.  He does not know the Way.  He does not know God.  I pray that he will change.  If he would only come into my church, I would give him the personal attention and instruction he is so desperately crying out for.  I could give him the hands-on spiritual tutoring he needs.”

                                                                                                                                Bishop Peddy O’File

                                                                                                                                The Houghton Lake Herald

 

“Seems to me it was the ‘hands-on’ approach that got the good Bishop in a little trouble back in 1994.”

                                                                                                                                Garth Girth

                                                                                                                                The Port Huron Peacemaker

 

                “Asshole.”

                                                                                                                                Bishop Peddy O’File

                                                                                                                                The Houghton Lake Herald

 

“The paltry platitudes of pastoral and prurient peasantry preaching a pathetic palate of pungent potty-pies perfectly places the pixilated perpetrator on a pedestal of pus.”

                                                                                                                                Urethra Franklin

                                                                                                                                The Pontiac Provocateur

 

                “Urethra Franklin’s bovine blathering blows balloons for buffoons.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “That bitch.”

                                                                                                                                Urethra Franklin

                                                                                                                                The Pontiac Provocateur

 

“I can think of nothing more damaging to freedom or family values, as we know them, than allowing the unbridled mischief of left-wing propaganda such as Felney.”

Cal Thomas,

                                                                                                                                The Colon Conservative

 

                “If there’s anyone in the world who can think of nothing, it’s Cal Thomas.”

                                                                                                                                Mike Royko

                                                                                                                                The Calumet Cavalier

 

                Felney is why we kicked the British out in the first place.”

                                                                                                                                Angina Snopps

                                                                                                                                The Howell Heckler

 

                “Maybe Felney is why the British never wanted to come back.”

Art Buchwald

                                                                                                                                The Tawas Times

 

                “I find comic strips such as Felney suitable for the rubbish bin.”

Boris von Piggfukker

The Benton Harbor Bugle

 

                “I find editorials such as Boris’ suitable for lining the bottom of a birdcage.”

                                                                                                                                Molly Ivins,

                                                                                                                                The Pinconning Picayune

 

                “That bitch.”

Boris von Piggfukker

The Benton Harbor Bugle